


“You will only fail to learn if you do not learn from failing.”

by nightcloak666



Category: Free!
Genre: After Rin left to Australia, Angst, End of Season, Happy Ending, Love, M/M, One-Shot, Trigger: Depression, rin's pov, trigger: suicide talk
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-10-28
Updated: 2014-10-28
Packaged: 2018-02-22 23:21:17
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,293
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/2525453
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/nightcloak666/pseuds/nightcloak666
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Rin learns that problems don't go away if you pretend they do not exist. They only get worse.<br/>And even Sousuke has his limits.</p>
            </blockquote>





	“You will only fail to learn if you do not learn from failing.”

**Author's Note:**

> It was meant to be a description of my idea, but I ended up writing a one-shot instead. Un-beta-ed, sorry!  
> Enjoy!

Rin left to Australia, pretty much pushed by Sousuke when he started wondering if it’s really a good idea. After all he was ensured that Sousuke would go with him, so when Sousuke was against the idea, Australia did not seem like such a dreamland anymore.

So he went. Ensured to keep in constant contact with Sousuke, writing, calling, and sending more letters than Sousuke. Half from the guilt still deep inside him, he still felt awful for breaking Sousuke’s trust last time, half because he’d never dream that he will miss Sousuke so much.

Rin was romantic but also selfish so when something was good for him, he went for it, most of the time quite cruelly not looking back. But after spending so much time with Sousuke in those past few months he felt so empty without him it started really bothering him. Even more when Sousuke started slipping away from him.

Rin understood his excuses, a bit. New job, he needed to focus, lots of hours, he’s tired… fair play. Rin did not have hours to spend on talking either. He wasn’t amused when Sousuke did not really tell him what exactly he is doing. Considering he was so tired and had so many hours and refused to send him any pictures, Rin was sure that it’s nothing good. He knew Sousuke couldn’t get anything great without a degree, which made him even angrier. Sousuke was capable of everything, swimming or not. Seeing him getting some shitty job and spending god knows how many hours in it was damn annoying. Sousuke who worked so hard should be with Rin right now training for olympics, not forced to give up on everything and devoting his life to something that he is too good for. But Sousuke did not have money to get a course at college, and Rin did not really see him wanting to choose a different career anyway.

Rin knew Sousuke. Sousuke wanted to swim. And he could talk as much as he wanted about everything being ok, that he made peace with “his” choice, but it was obvious he did not. When Rin was still in Japan, he wasn’t really worried. Sousuke was lying about being so ok with everything, but to Rin it looked like he was planning to fight for their dream, he simply wasn’t saying anything worried that it won’t work out. That’s Sousuke. You either read between his lines and see from how he acts, or you won’t know anything about him. He promised Rin to continue the rehabilitation. He promised to keep in contact. Rin was constantly talking to him about checking tickets. He even found some courses for Sousuke, saying he will help him pay. Sousuke did not speak to him for a week after that. Stubborn boy, sometimes Rin wanted to shake him.

But he did start writing less. The letters Rin was receiving were getting shorter and emotionless “Everything is ok, just tell me about Australia.” The calls were even worse, he could hear his voice cracking whenever he tried to sound happy about something. Not to mention his “happy” memories were obviously lies. The first time he found out that Sousuke lied he wanted to take a plane back to Japan. But he couldn’t just leave, he had responsibilities too, and it was all happening right before the competition.

When he received a call from Gou that Sousuke had an accident, he could feel his blood freeze. She said something about Sousuke pushing a kid out of the way of the upcoming car in the last second, and he got hurt himself.

He was booking the ticket five seconds later, and started checking for information online, since Gou told him she only knows what she found online herself. Tokyo was shouting about Sousuke saving the child and nearly losing life himself. 

He did not even know whether he was okay.

He ran from the airport straight to the hospital, not even calling anyone that he is back. Luckily it was a few hours after the surgery so Sousuke was conscious and they let him into his room.

Rin took one step inside and had to stop right there.

Sousuke was laying on the bed sleeping. His face was bruised, head bandaged, scratches, black bruises under his eyes. Neck brace secured around his neck, nasal cannula helping him breath, right shoulder bandaged, lots of different cables attached to him. It was a gruesome image and Rin needed to take a few deep breaths.

He did not know what he expected, but none of his worst images were close to this. He told himself that the car probably lightly pushed Sousuke. The magazines are always exaggerating.

He slowly made his way towards his bed, and sat by him. He probably should have woken him up as quickly as possible instead of starring at him and discovering how pale and so much thinner than Rin remembered Sousuke looked, but he couldn’t.

Luckily Sousuke stirred awake himself, when Rin unconsciously took his hand in his.

"Rin?"

Only then he became aware that his face was wet from tears and he just hugged Sousuke, as careful as possible to not hurt him. He noticed Sousuke hissed when he tried putting both his arms around Rin and instead only moved one. Rin cried even harder. It was the already injured shoulder that right now he could not even move.

“Don’t cry.”

"Please tell me you really just wanted to save the kid, you did not… you did not…"

He stopped before finishing. He did not mean to say this in the first place, but it was at the end of his tongue since he heard about the accident. Less letters, pretended happiness, he knew there is something bad going on and as usual he preferred to be a coward and live in denial thinking it will go away without him acknowledging the problem. Like when he pretended to not see Sousuke in pain even though he was rolling the shoulder over and over again and having nightmares during the night. 

Problems don’t go away if you ignore them.

Problems don’t go away if you believe someone is strong enough to deal with them alone.

Rin wanted to shove his “belief” right up his own ass. 

Sousuke was the strongest person he knew. All those years alone worked so hard until he injured himself. He was always pushing himself too hard, always blaming himself when something did not work out, never cried. Then he found Rin even though Rin did not have the guts to call him first. He did not blame him. He only grew insecure over their relationship and it killed Rin inside to find out that Sousuke thought he is not important to him when he was the most important since the beginning. 

He was so damn strong he continued suffering in silence all those months and swimming despite the pain. Because he just wanted to swim with Rin until the end. He knew then Rin would go where he won’t be able to follow anymore and he was ready to hurt himself to be happy for a few more weeks.

Depression does not go away with one snap of fingers. One race couldn’t possibly heal Sousuke. Hell, even if it somehow happened, Rin did a fantastic job choosing to leave to Australia soon after, obviously making him slip back. After everything Sousuke did. He just left. Fuck letters. Fuck calling. HE left. He knew deep inside that Sousuke is lying, that Sousuke is hiding his pain, that once again Sousuke is thinking about Rin’s good, not Sousuke’s. He left anyway. He used his good heart again, took him for granted, Sousuke said “go” so he went feeling no guilt. Knowing deep inside that something awful can happen. 

His grab on Sousuke tightened. 

God, Rin, you stupid, selfish, ignorant…

"Rin, stop it."

"I’m so sorry," he choked and sobbed harder. He felt the guilt like acid eating his insides.

"I did not… Rin, stop it," he let a shaky laugh out. "What that beautiful head of yours came up with…"

"Everybody is talking about you throwing yourself under a car to save that kid…"

"Ah, so I am famous now," he heard the quiet voice, Sousuke’s fingers brushing through his hair. "Wanted to become famous for swimming, ended up being famous for throwing myself under the car. Way to go."

Rin looked up. Sousuke wasn’t looking at him, but at the ceiling, no smile on his face. He was playing with Rin’s hair unconsciously, eyes slowly closing like it was calming and slowly making him fall asleep. 

"Look at me and tell me you did not try to do it," Rin whispered.

Sousuke jerked awake to look at him in shock which caused him to shudder in pain, jaw clenched to not let a gasp of pain out. 

"No," he laughed, which sounded more painful than anything. "God, but I fucking wish…" Sousuke whispered and closed his eyes. "Useless with one arm already, my life will get so much better now," another bitter laugh escaped his throat.

Rin was starring at him, incapable of saying anything. He did not know what to say seeing Sousuke completely breaking down right in front of him. Not Sousuke. Not the strong Sousuke.

"Sousuke…" he whispered quietly seeing Sousuke raising his hand to wipe tears off his bruised face. 

"I went to swim a few weeks ago," he said, more tears escaping. "I just… had to again. You were talking about how amazing Australia is, sending me those pictures, even of the Olympic swimming pool… I thought just hearing about it all from afar wouldn’t hurt. Seeing it in real life would be worse. This is why I never wanted to go there knowing I won’t be able to swim. It would kill me." he took a shaky breath in. "I nearly drowned, if not some random guy who gave me a hand… I’m useless, Rin. I can’t do it. I won’t ever be able to swim again. Even after rehabilitation. I screwed up this arm too much. I…"

"Sousuke…"

"I can’t…"

"Sousuke, shhh…” he placed his hands on Sousuke’s cheeks and wiped the tears off with his thumbs. Sousuke shook his head, even though it clearly hurt, and looked away. 

"I am going to make it okay," Rin kissed him on the cheek. "I am going to make it okay."

People are strong. People can take so much. But everyone has their limits. He should have noticed Sousuke reaching his awhile ago. 

Sousuke couldn’t find himself a worse friend, Rin thought. There’s nothing worse than people too good for their own good finding themselves friends, partners, lovers who know how to use it to their advantage. Selfless and selfish was the worst combination.

But Rin will fix it.

Rin will fix Sousuke.

Rin will fix himself. 

And Rin will fix them.

"Everything will be okay," he whispered, their foreheads touching.

He went for the doctor a few moments later, told him to give Sousuke more painkillers. When Sousuke fallen asleep, he talked with the doctor and found out what Sousuke will need and when he will be able to travel.

He booked them tickets to Australia.

He called his university to tell them that he will need to take a break.

He contacted the hospital in Australia, the therapeutists.

When Sousuke woke up he just begged him to trust him. One last time. To let him prove that he can do it, that he will make it all ok. 

Sousuke trusted him.

Rin knew everything would be fine when he saw Sousuke’s face looking at the ocean and just closing his eyes and relaxing.

He knew it won’t be easy, knew the therapy will take weeks, maybe months, maybe years. 

But when Sousuke heard that they will make him capable of swimming again, it was like someone gave him another life. Rin took his hand and made them talk with the lecturer at the university. Rin’s coach gave Sousuke a job by his side quickly, impressed with his knowledge and what a fighter the boy is. Sousuke felt needed and the possibility that soon he will join Rin’s side made him even stronger. There were moments he was slipping back, on the days the pain was worse, the therapy did not go well. But the doubt was gone as quickly as it appeared, since Rin did not pretend to not see the pain for his own sake anymore.

When he saw Sousuke needed help, he gave it to him. Being selfless, loving unconditionally was rewarding. Sometimes he caught himself simply looking at Sousuke and not believing he was so lucky to be with him. That after he screwed so many times, Sousuke still let him prove himself.

He did not remember when they started being “officially” together. What exactly “official” meant anyway? Weren’t they always together? Weren’t they together even when Rin left as a kid to pursue his father’s dream, but kept on thinking about Sousuke and missing him? When he felt too guilty to call him again? Or when they drunkly kissed and then pretended nothing happened on the next day? Or when they kissed sober, Rin in Sousuke’s arms, standing in the ocean, soft sand tickling their feet? Or when they slept tangled together for the first time, after making love for the whole night, whispering I love you over and over again?

Things like that don’t matter.

What matters is that they are both happy and healthy together. That they learned from their mistakes. That they both want to live. That they are so strong nothing will dare to separate them. Ever.


End file.
